Its a Juggling Act!!!

Well this is me right now. Juggling Reuben, uni, friends, and mum. It is a hard task. Some days I feel like walking away... well no.. actually I feel like running... bolting away!!!!

Somedays it gets all too hard. Somedays I just cant understand why some people get it so easy and others get lumped with all the crap.

Why are there so many people with out? Im sitting here feeling very sorry for myself... yet Im so lucky!!! guilt guilt guilt!!!!

Ive got a roof over my head... at least its not a cardboard box roof!!! I have quality food in my cupboard and fridge... at least my supermarket isnt the local tip!!!! My kids are difficult... but at least they are not on the streets begging or selling themselves!!!!
Really I have a lot to be thankful for! Why then do I feel like crap!!! Why do I feel like Ive been cheated in life? Why has my mum started drinking again? Why is my ex such a pathetic excuse for a human being? Why dont I have an endless source of money that I could bless my friends and family with???
So many whys and yet so little answers!!!

On the other hand...

I could ask these questions... why do I have such a great friend like Katrina? Why has Megan and her family come into my life? Why do I get caught up in guilt? Its such an unproductive emotion!!!

Now I must go and get into my uni stuff and do some more juggling... 5 assessment pieces in 2 weeks!!!
 

Prac - I asked if I could do a uni on life cycles for my 3 weeks. They thought it was a great idea. I am working from the module on qsa level 3. One of the teachers (team teachering) took us aside last thursday and spent most of the day with us going thru planning, teaching, ideas etc. It was what we really needed. Before that I was beginning to get worried about it all. I feel alot more on fire now. In weeks 2 and 3 of prac we can choose anything we want for our second lesson. Im thinking of doing a few PE games... some grammar (verbs etc) a coupld of maths using the games we have just made. Oh yeah... I got full marks for my games 20 / 20. Yay!!! God knows how I will go with my maths questions!!! I know my last question was a bit dodgy!!!

EXAMS - This last week we had two exams... Tuesday 4pm we had an hour exam... 60 multichoice questions, open book... but there was little time for looking at notes or textbook. I am sceptical of how I did as the convenor told us we would need to know our readings... but didnt say that we would need to know the bloody authors' names!!!! OMG! Then friday 2pm another exam... english... we had a heap to go over. 40 multi choice, a choice of 3 to write 1 page about... and a running record to assess. I think I did ok. At least I know I passed!!! LOL

This week... I want to get started on the 4 assignments to hand in for week 9... this week coming is week 7. OMG!!!! So much to do... so little time!!!

 

Yay!!!! I won tickets!!!!

The Postman Arrived!!!!

I have won 2 free tickets to see When a Stranger Calls. Hopefully, I will get to see it on the weekend.

I have a lot of studying this week... exam on tuesday afternoon at 4pm... then one on Friday for English that is worth 40% or our marks. That one is freaky as there is so much to know!!!

I just need a break!!!

Anton the Cat!!!

I just found this photo in my files... and thought I would share it with you. He is a cutie hey. This wasnt long after we got him from the pound on the gold coast. 

Life is Full ON!!!

I love the colours in this photo. It is helping stay calm. There is so much to do for uni, for Reuben, for life.

How am I coping??? in two words... musk sticks!!! Today I am eating musk sticks!!! Its a no no for me... but hey... a melt down or musk sticks... gee... let me think about it... ok... I will eat the musk sticks!!! LOL

Laminator!!! Mum bought me an A3 laminator today for my birthday... well its not my birthday yet... thats in June... but I need it now and she thought its a great pressie! So do I! So thanks mum for a wonderfully very useful pressie!!!

Headache !!! Yep I have one! Life? nope... cant seem to see the one I was developing in the holidays!!! Just uni uni uni! But thats ok... not too much longer... only 5 more semesters to go (not including this one!).

Mess! Yep I have one of those too. You should see my dining table!!! (well no you really shouldnt!!!!) Where do we have dinner... well its a very refined balancing act... put this pile of stuff here while we have dinner... put that pile of stuff back after dinner!!! I need a bigger house... I need more money!!!! I need... I need... really nothing!!!

My musk stick quote for today is:

Harold Kushner:
What cannot be achieved in one lifetime will happen when one lifetime is joined to another.
 

Saturday Night with Friends

Another fabulous night with friends. Doris, Allison, Gail, Barb and I got together at Gails house for a bbq. I won a chicken in a raffle the week prior. I asked the girls if we could have a bbq at Gails. Gail is caring for the a young girl this weekend so we couldnt have it at Doris's house. Both Doris and Gail have webber bbqs. It was a fabulous dinner mixed with laughter and girl talk about men and their hang ups. We played trivial pursuit. Doris and I won, mostly due to Doris's knowledge!!! However, I did know the answer - Racey: the singing group in the 70s (come on baby lay your love on me). Dont ask me how I remembered that group. Having said that, we both couldnt remember Burt Reynolds name for the question about Smokey and the Bandit. We both could see his face... but memory chips in our brains just weren't working at all.

The night ended with us having a delicious cup of tea and biscuits (and cheesecake that I couldnt eat - thanks for that Barb!!!! LOL). There are times that I really hate being lactose intolerant. Doris and Allison are great that way, they go out of their way to help me. They buy soy custard or use my milk in things. Last night Doris made the dip without sour cream so I could have it. Things like that show you how much people care.

Talking about how much people care... Doris gave me a pressie last night. I was really taken back as I wasnt expecting it. Doris handed me a wrapped pressie (I saw it on the table but thought it was for Ally as its her birthday on Wednesday). Doris told me it was because she knew I needed a pick up and also to celebrate my divorce (which didnt go thru because I didnt attend!!! but thats another blog!!!). Oh yeah, the pressie: a stylish laptop shoulder bag. Very exciting and very needed!!!! Its not the gift that shows love... its that Doris took the time to think about me. Sitting here, I feel for the first time in my life that people really do care about me. I really do love these people and feel honoured to call them my friends. Anyway, enough of the teary stuff... FRIENDS... thank god you found me!

Quote for today: "A hug is worth a thousand words. A friend is worth more."- Sent by Jasmine Fitzwilliam 

Rain Rain Go Away!

Flooding for Lismore and surrounding areas! It has rained here for about 3 days. Its not enough to reach our dams here in Brisbane or the Gold Coast but its causing trouble in Northern NSW. Lismore always floods. Im so glad Im not living there or in Grafton either for that matter. I remember it rained for 3 weeks and the back waters of South Grafton reached the top step of the flat I was living in. Krystyl was only 18months. We had to stay in Mum's little bed sitter for a few nights until the water resided. Talk about smell! Once you smell flood water, you never forget it. YUCK!!! 

Week ONE...

down and only 12 to go!!! Well the first week of uni is over. Im feeling very good about it too. 2nd year has started with a bang. We have had to make a maths game alread and get into a study reading group and report back to our group. I have had my first week (of 3) of PE. We then go one and have visual arts and then drama (3 weeks each).

Asthma... last saturday night I woke coughing and thought "GOD NO!!!!!!" but yes it was asthma!!! I dont know if it is the stress of going back to uni, and continued lack of money or going to the club on the friday night. Perhaps all three??? I certainly wont be going back to the club to find out... well not until they have the complete no smoking.

Walking... no walking this week due to the asthma and rain. We have had so much rain but apparently it hasnt touched the dams. Bloody mother nature needs to take a chill pill I think!!!!!


A NEW FRIDGE!!!

Mum bought me a new LG fridge. I am the gadget queen so I had to have the one that has the ice cube tray that you swivel and the ice cubes fall out into the bucket. Very cool!!! ICY cool infact!

Reuben: has been a typical teenager this week. He has sneaked my laptop into his room and sneaked his PSP from his dad's. His mouth continues to unload unnecessary words... which he gets a consequence for. On the upside... he hasnt been suspended from school so far this term. This teen Reuben makes me question everything about parenting especially if I really want this job anymore!!! Not that I can just quit! If only it was that easy.

Krystyl: well, I really dont know what is going on with her. She is going through something she doesnt want to share with me. I really dont know what to about it.

Quote of the day: You're alive. Do something. The directive in life, the moral imperative was so uncomplicated. It could be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounded like this: Look. Listen. Choose. Act.Barbara Hall, A Summons to New Orleans, 2000

Here I am up early at 5am. I should be getting ready for walking but today I start at 8am at uni so have to leave here at 7.30am, drop reuben off at school and go over to the uni. The maths lecture starts at 8am and goes til 10am, then I have a maths tutorial at 12 - 1 pm. At 2.45pm I have to pick Reuben up from school, bring him home, Mum will be here and cook dinner for us. I have to go back to uni for another lecture from 4 - 6pm. Oh joy!!! Tuesdays are my big day!!! Im just glad I dont have something on at 6 - 8 like others have. Yuk!!!

Reuben didnt have a great day at school yesterday. He was still upset about his rat being savaged by the cat. He still had one rat left (at steve's) but Steve being the "wonderful man" we all know he is... went and bought him another one!!!! Yes that was sarcasism!!!!

I am struggling with asthma. It started on saturday night. Im not sure if going to the club on Friday night or perhaps the thought of going back to uni??? I was and am glad to be going back but know that its intense.  

Uni Begins 2006

MY 2nd Year of Bachelor of Education at Logan. Wow! I still have to pinch myself some days that I am really doing this.

I am in two minds of going back as many students are right now. One, I am keen as mustard to get back into it. To learn, to study, to get my degree so I can get some money from employment!!! The other mind, is nervous of the unknown. Will I do well? Will I pass the exams? Will I be able to cope with the workload? Of course I will!!! but the nerves are still there.
I have loved the time off but it has been way too long. I feel like I could have done a semester of work while on holiday.
I have worked at Eagleby South for a few weeks and finally felt like I found my groove on the last day. Its such a difficult school. I hope I dont get one like it for my final and most important prac. 

Hug of Friendship

Hug of Friendship

A friend can be like a Teddy Bearto hug and hold when the world has given you all you can bear.

A hug of friendship is an incredible feeling which can mean a lot more if it's given with meaning.
When the world isn't being all that nice,and you feel like nobody could ever care... they'll be right here to hug and hold..and forever be your teddy bear.. There's this thing I like to call friendship pride this simply means neverleaving your friend's side.

Sharing your thoughts,ideas, and goals.. while getting deep into theirhearts and souls.. Friends never make you feel insecure they always support and make you feel right and pure.
Friendship is not a game; if it is, it's a game of chance, that many timesmay lead to romance.. When it's raining outside and there's a storm and it's cold it's always nice to have a warm teddy bear to hold.
Friends always think about each other,sometimes maybe even twentyfour/seven,then sometimes you encounter thosefriends you think were sent from Heaven.So the next time you are feeling like you need someone to hold, come to a true friend with a heart of Gold..
Author Unknown 

Happiness...

Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed. - Storm Jameson.

What is happiness???

Happiness is ...

... Reuben getting ready in the morning without calling him endless times.

... walking for 45mins with 3 friends on a monday morning at 5.45am!!!

... feeling confident with what I do and say.

Eumundi Markets Saturday...

Today went to these markets near Noosa with Doris and Allison. Wow is all I can say. I saw so many things that I could have bought if I had endless cash!!! Doris twisted my arm to buy a bracelet. Its sterling silver and has a twist in the middle of it. Allison bought her lazy susan for her table too. It is beautiful.

We then went to the Ginger Factory. We had lunch and then looked around. I bought a ginger chocolate bar for mum. After the factory we went over to the macadamia outlet and tried their flavoured nuts. I accidently tried a chilli one. I am SO not a spicy person. I had to go and was my mouth out. However, the honey and sesame ones are my favourite. The sugared ginger pieces were yum too.

After the Macadamia outlet we went to a scrapbook shop at Caloundra. All I can say is... I NEED more money!!! So many things... not enough money!!!

On the way home my mobile rang. It was mum telling me that she had fallen down the stairs of her unit. I hoped it would never happen. She is ok but bruised, cut and sore. I will go around there in the morning and see what else I can do for her. I called in tonight and she was ok. Bloody stairs!!!!

Today's Quote: We must travel in the direction of our fear.
- John Berryman. 

Sadly, I accidently discarded my post about my weight loss. Here I go again...

I have lost 8.9kg in 10 weeks. Walking with the girls everyday has helped so much. Some days are hard to get through without sugar (lollies) and some days I dont even think about it. Having the girls to motivate me to walk has helped incredibly. 

Tom and Katie???

So what is going on with this couple??? Are they still getting married? Are they finished??? Who knows??? and really do we want to really know? They are in Australia to attend the Kerry Packer memorial. You would think that if they were not together that Katie wouldnt be with Tom here in Australia. Do I really care? Im just glad that Nicole Kidman saw the light eventually! 

This is Madonna at the recent British Awards. What was she thinking? What is happening with her hair??? I guess when you have that much money... you just dont care what others think!!! Hey, I need that kind of money!!! LOL 

Kimba's Kommentary

Kim: Ruler; Leader of the warriors. (I never knew Kim meant this!!!!)

K - Kind

I - Imagines

M - Makes people laugh

Three letters is not enough to really describe the Kim that I am... but these 3 are great summary.

Friendship

Friendship is like the breeze,
You can't hold it,
Smell it,
Taste it,
Or know when it's coming,
But you can always feel it,
And you'll always know it's there,
It may come and then go,
But you can know it'll always be back.

- Terri Fanning -

Today's Quote

"I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand."~Confucius

I love this quote! It is so true.

Thursday's Chatter

Wow, what a day. Working at the school is hard work. I cant remember the school being as hard as it is now. I makes me think who will I cope as a teacher? It makes me wonder what the hell I am doing! However, I see what else the teachers could be doing, using strategies that are more appropriate. I just hope I dont to a point where I forget what works or I get too tired to care or that I burn out and cant work anymore. I want to inspire kids to learn. I want to inspire kids to be the best they can be. I want kids to know that there is a bigger world out there.

Tonight I have watched Vegas and Medium. Reuben has come home in a great mood from steve's. I asked steve to bring him home at 8pm. He was more settled and went to bed at 8.30pm.

News today:
Eddie McGuire is taking over Channel 9.